{22}

Suddenly I see the future for me is kind of ---blurry.
Am I doing things that I will love and willing to live with?

Honestly, I am not so sure.

And this is not a good sign.

Sigh.

{21}

Bismillah.

Ibn Umar mentioned, "Kalau aku tahu satu dari amalanku diterima Allah itu sudah membuatkan aku lega."

I cringed after reading this ---never come across in my mind to ever ponder deeply, questioning whether my deeds are being accepted by Allah SWT.
Really it's not the matter of ignorant, it's just that all these while I am too absorb to ensure I am istiqamah with my ibadah ---but what's matter most at the end is whether all my amalan are accepted by Allah SWT.

It is a good-feeling-realization anyway after reading the word from Ibn Umar.

I need to look back did I perform my solah accordingly? Did my nawaitu is for Allah SWT? How about my intention ---whether I seek for human acknowledgement too?
And lots more.

May this time Ramadhan become my turning point to evaluate and improvement myself better.

Yours truly,

{20}

Bismillah.

I cried watching last night Umrah Bersama Ustaz Don.

I cried not because of sadness,

I well up in tears because of the view that I see of Madinah Al Munawarrah and Mekah Al Mukaramah are indescribably beautiful ---so beautiful that I start to have goose bump and end up tears coming out.

I have been here before, when I was a 8 year old kid ---to young to capture all.

But Wallahi, I can still remember the details ---the weather, the breeze brushes my cheeks, the taste of zamzam, the coldnesss of marble floor of Masjidil Haram when I rest my forehead for sujud, the long alley distance of Safa and Marwa where I remember I struggled to keep up with the fast pace, the calmness of dawn when we family walk together to join the Subuh jamaah, the Masjid Quba and the rest that I barely remember just as a swish reminiscence.

I want to go here again.

I want to stand by the Kaabah and plead for forgiveness for all my wrongdoings all these while.

I want to go to Maqam Prophet Muhammad and whispering acknowledging Prophet Muhammad that I send my greetings to him ---salaam dari pengikutnya yang sentiasa rindu padanya.

Truly, no words can describe the feelings.

Yours truly,

{19}

Bismillah.

A piece of wise words from a good friend of mine;

To accept somebody ---do learn to accept his/her flaws first.
Because the person strength is more easier to be accepted.

Right, now I need to be more flexible and open about others flaws; as what I expect others to accept me as the way I am --- a person with imperfection.

Yours truly,

{18}

Bismillah.

Life is like a puzzle ---a jigsaw puzzle.

Really, when you thought that you knew exactly where your life is heading ---you are dead wrong.
Instead, you'll be surprise at the end.

When you are wondering why all sorts of *bad* things happening to you ---all that inside your head is all about feeling down and upset, you'll be realized that at the end those *bad* things are actually there to mature you and eventually make up your life's story line.

Seems like every thing doesn't make a sense until one day --- that one day when you look back into the past and close your eyes.
Close your eyes and rewind ---watching all those *pieces* of puzzles are actually fixing themselves together, forming a beautiful pieces of scenery.

A scenery when you look upon you can find serene, love, hatred, sadness, numb,gratefulness--- you name it.
All the feeling combo together to form a masterpiece ---finally almost being finish up.

Looking up, at the corner of the masterpiece you'll find the name of the owner ---embedded beautifully as Allah SWT, The Most Loving and Merciful.

At that moment, the feeling is the utmost beautiful.

I swore, wallahi.

Yours truly,

{17}

The month where we always wish to meet again, year after year has passed,
The month where the tranquility feel extra more than usual,
The month where we empathy the feeling of hunger, poverty and sabr,
The month where we train our nafs and soul to get down and serve Allah,
The month where mosque feel extraordinary alive compare to usual,
The month where terawikh with family felt like the utmost blessing from Him,
The month of truly the month of blessing and forgiveness from Him,

May I have the time to meet with Ramadhan again this time.
If yes, may I make full use of the month doing good deeds and may I gain His rahmah and forgiveness ---much better than the previous one.

Amiin.

Yours truly,

{16}

List of Things That I feel Grateful of Yesterday

+Start the morning with enough sleep and still breathing.
+Doing some morning brisk walk with Baba and Mama ---a bless to watch them start to take exercise as healthy habit seriously.
+Going to Being Me event by Mercy Mission.
+Meet up plenty fantastic and inspiring speaker.
+Revisit some good advise/messages ---how much I love to be reminded constantly bout them.
And others.

Yours truly,